I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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