Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
