he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
