Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
