if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
