it's not cheating when I paid for it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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