Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i will never coherently bang her
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
