just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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