I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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