Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
