RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
