Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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