So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
