You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
