I'm eating all of the evidence.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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