im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
