I think I won the penis lottery.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
