My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
