Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
