I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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