dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
