soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
