I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
