I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
