Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
