I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
