Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
