Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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