I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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