They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
