the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
