I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
