Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
