I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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