The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
