I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So many bounce houses so little time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
