i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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