Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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