Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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