Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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