Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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