Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
