maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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