last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
