I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
