Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
