i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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