no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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