Just fell off a train. Bad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
