Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
