Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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