at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
