Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
