I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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