So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he puts the penis in happiness.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
