he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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