Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
