Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
