Three words: puerto rican gang bang
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
