I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you win again, gameday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
