god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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